If I Were A Parent (Part One)

Sometimes I look at parents’ actions; be it my parents or my friends’ parents, & wish if someone could tell them that they’re not doing really good in that certain situation. No one can be perfect, that applies to parents too, but the thing is; most times they don’t seem to accept criticism from anyone. Even from their own parents & best friends.
So, I am writing the thoughts I get when I see some negative actions towards the daughter & the son, just in case any parent ran into it, they don’t feel direct criticism. Also, these are my real wishes & what I think I should do when I grow up & have kids, if God blessed me with the gift of having any.

Discussing problems & yelling infront of your kids:

Yelling & shouting when your kid is around, definitely is the biggest mistake a parent can make. You would not know the pain, feel the insecurity you cause to the child watching this, unless you have been through it. So, if you did go through this, close your eyes & remember how you felt when you were kid back then, witnessing arguments that might sometimes reach physical abuse. What did you think? Did you feel happy & warm?

As for parents who had a stable home, with no quarrels or disputes, growing up happily with a childhood of good memories. Don’t you think your kids have the least right to feel exactly the same? So take this for me, as a daughter, please when you have to settle something down, Go to your room, close the door & try not to louden your voice. Because trust me, the kid won’t be brought up with a good mental health & will have some trust & confidence problems.

Not showing love to your kids:

This problem is common between alot of families. Children need to always feel wanted, loved & contained. They always need a reminder of how precious they are to you as parents. In some homes, showing love, giving hugs & kisses is not always present. It’s not something you got used to give & receive. Eventually, the child will search for love somewhere else. It doesn’t have to be a trusted place; sometimes children find love in destructive things & places such as bad groups leading them to drugs & illegal acts, or political & extremist religious organizations.
Even if you are not the kind of person who is able to show their feelings, you can open a new page with your kid & get them used to mutual bringing out of feelings from the time they are born. That will also ease up things between both of you when the child reaches their teenage, will make them open to you & able to talk about their problems.

I would like to know your thoughts about this, if you’re a parent or a child. What do you think?

9 Comments

  1. I like what you wrote very much, msA. I would like to add that we “the Egyptians” used to treat love as “shame/3eib” and expressing love means:if you’re a man “you’re weak” if you’re a woman:”you spoil your kids and how dare you show you love them!”. You see it clearly with the married couple that have been married for 3+ years, they stopped love & appreciate each other. Like “my partner is here for granted”. likewise: for kids; it’s for granted when you marry to have a kid or two in the first years of marrige. Pple don’t appreciate the heavinly gift that ALLAH gives them to have children. They don’t feel that they’re the most precious matter in their whole lives and they’ve got to invest in them. Another thing: parents need to get educated, we need parenting clubs and educational classes for the about-to-marry and newly weds. We see that alot in the western societies but not here, I kinda feel sorry for parents cause they got caught up and know no better than their parents’ way in parenting and taking care of a child.

    Last thing: I was generally speaking, that doesn’t mean that there are cases of wonderful parents that know how to love and treat a child as they sould be treated🙂

    Thnx

    • I loved your comment Noha : ) yes I absolutely agree on every word you said. In this era, people should get themselves educated about marriage life & how to raise their kids. I don’t know if there are any parenting clubs in Egypt, but if not, I’d love to see someone starting it! As young as I am, it would be awesome to be a part of this project.

      I quote this :

      Whether it’s your Valentine’s Day cards, your anniversary cards, your romantic love letters or loving emails, you don’t have to worry about not knowing what to say or write anymore

      People just need to SPEAK-UP, just express themselves loudly.

      Thanks for your awesome comment, Noha : )

      • most welcome Remyyy😉 and I was thinking about starting that kind of club, it needs a lot of reading and someone professional to give advices. I might start a club like that in the future. Good to know there’re fans for the idea😉

  2. What can I say? It’s just GENIUSLY written!.

    Some important points to mention (may be you should talk about them in the next post) are:

    1- Not developing kids curiosity.
    2- Not teaching them how to think logically.
    3- Not encouraging child’s independence.

    There are many actions and points to add to the list, but those are so important. Thinking of this topic depressed me😦

    Thanks🙂

  3. hey reemyy,I do really like the topic,,gd job girl..and it actually takes alot of courage to face parents with wat we really feel in some situations.I think you should also add the situation wen parents and their kids have different points of view..it always goes the way the parents want it,,maybe the main reason for that is that parents dont trust their kid’s choice.um not saying that parents are wrong at this situation,,they have the total right not to agree on their kid’s desicion if they dont see that it is the right one..but wat i say is wrong is that parents dont convince them with reasons why is it wrong!
    I believe that however age u r in or gender u r,u shoulf have the right to understand the surrounding events and be convinced with the reasons >>and the most important thing ,to have the right to participate by agreeing or disagreeing.If I dont get convinced that wat i chose is not the right thing for me,this will make me mad,and I might hate the whole thing-just onr of the -ve reactions that might occure- .I might call it some kind of violence,,but not a mentally one,,A PERSONALY ONE!if the little kid is not raised in a way that he says wat he wants,and be sure of his own opinion with confidence,,then that would sadly result in a weak personality,and might result in a worse thing like being aggressive towards others….
    luv u reem♥😀

  4. As usual ya Reem, very touching piece. I do totally agree with the second part. You need to show your kids how much you love them both verbally and physically. The lack of love and care from their children’s lives can – and I personally believe will – result in undesirable consequences.
    As for the first part, I have a point to mention. First we have to agree that such homes with no quarrels, arguments and disputes do not really exist in real life – only in movies and fairy tales – which means their existence is a fact, the only thing is how and where to deal with them. Second parents are human with limited abilities regarding nervous and psychological issues which gives them the right to explode every now and then for their own good. Last, sometimes one of the parents spoils what the other one is trying to build, so total cooperation is needed here.

  5. Parents and children have to be like friends, they have to deal with problems by discussion. When children feel they are restricted so badly and everything is reacted by no, I know more than you do!
    They feel so bad and have no rights to talk and that leads to the other harmful ways.
    They must feel that their opinion is heard because different ages and different generations have different ways of thinking.

  6. incidentally, i was just discussing this issue with mom an hour ago, that in egypt every girl wants to be engaged and get married then wants- pushed by the community’s request- to fast has children, that’s the goal to be Married without thinking about the real meaning of marriage and why does she get married anyway, and to have children without learning or even thinking about how she will raise her children, about the parenting club .. actually it’s a great idea and if we can’t make it offline why not to start it as an online campaign or something alike?

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